Best Seat In The House

When you go to concerts, or as many I as have, you often find that spot in the venue (unless it's reserved seating, and you're behind Obob Hollerinski and his pregnant inebriated mistress Luella) which seems to be your special piece of real estate. While aisle seats have their advantage such as a quick escape, the one spot that is often the best location but left vacant is directly behind the soundboard. When a security guard asked me, 'Dude, what the f--k are you standing here all the time for?' I knew I had found my little home.

Sure, the soundboard often comes with one security guy standing guard in case there's a coup in the venue and everyone wants to lower and raise the PA volume. And it has a railing enclosing it to block it off from fans. But standing behind that area (and away from the sound man) enables people to clearly see the stage and (more importantly) get the best sound. Nobody will butt in front of you when you're on the rail and your sight lines are often clear for 10 to 15 feet, sometimes more depending on the size of the touring crew. And you get to see the set list (running order of tunes) ahead of time, although some sound men guard such pieces of paper to ridiculous proportions.

So why is this spot so vacant? Well, often it's not close to the stage but more in the middle of the venue, leaving fans who want to get up and see the crotch of Singer X from Band Zombie Camelot out of luck. As well, nobody else is around that area, and it's not cool to be standing in a spot where nobody else is. Like Dennis Miller said, "Remember kids, be an individual, be yourself, because after all you want to fit in right?"

Another drawback sometimes (albeit briefly) is having video cameramen entering that precious area in front of you, blocking your view at the very last minute. But after three songs (that's the rules, they get three songs to record, in some contracts only 40 seconds per song) they are gone, leaving you with another great view of what's happening.

Of course if you want to get up front with all the "real fans," go for it. Just be prepared for a few errant water bottles, limbs striking your neck or forehead, or other people elbowing you in the back in their attempts to get just as close as you are. You've been warned....