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Not many long winded speeches, fewer awards handed out and more somewhat underwhelming performances. Here is a minute account of this year's Grammy Awards, another 210 minutes we will not see for another 364 nights:
8:00: Lady Gaga and Elton John sit opposite each other at a piano, looking like they just came from shock therapy after licking the chimney sweeps clean....insane looking with Your Song part of the proceedings.
8:10: Steven Colbert introduces the show and wonders why Susan Boyle isn't here...
8:14: Jennifer Lopez stares into a camera and repeats the phrase "American Idiot" several times in a short span...somewhere the subliminal gods are laughing.
8:15: Green Day are boringly helped out by the cast of American Idiot the musical...woo hoo....can't wait for that when it comes to my town. Meanwhile the song itself 21 Guns is diminished by huge orchestration, with the bigger and more is better idea again proving to be a misnomer.
8:25: Bon Jovi will decide what song they will play and it is then stated that country music is big all over the world. I know how many yokels there are in New Dehli who can't get enough Toby Keith every day.
8:26: Taylor Swift wins Country Album of the Year, saying dreams come true but unfortunately omitting the "go screw yourself Kanye" speech most had wanted to hear.
8:27: The Mentalist introduces Beyonce, but nowhere is Reveen the Impossibilist even considered to introduce the singer.
8:28: Beyonce with Star Wars meets Riot Gear dancers in tow, grabbing her crotch to show she's something fierce. A quick snippet of Alanis' You Oughta Know falls flat.
8:34: Near the homestretch of her performance, Beyonce is gasping for air trying to finish the lyrics without panting.
8:41: Pink -- who comes out like she forgot to get the country albums in New Dehli but opted for some Indian dress -- tries to become a Cirque De Soleil wannabe with spins and more spins overhead during her performance. Looks more like Flashdance as she's soaked in water and spins around again. For a few fleeting moments were are privy to golden painted asscracks of three more acrobats.
8:47: Zac Brown Band wins Best New Artist, defeating everyone else living or dead who truly deserved the award. Their acceptance speech is great, it's like they never even practiced it, just each of the six happened to thank 3 or 4 different label people off the top of their head. So off the cuff and so emotional. Yawn.
8:55: Black Eyed Pears, er, Black Eyed Peas are bleeped briefly as men dressed as speakers prance about.
9:05: Lady Antebellum perform without any gimmicks, just instruments and vocals for a nice effort. If they only had people dressed like speakers though, it would feel so much more organic and earthy.
9:17: Ringo Starr and Norah Jones give kudos to Bobby Darin and give Kings Of Leon Record Of The Year Grammy, making them the one winner most truly wanted to see play.
9:22: Jamie Foxx plays instead....with Slash coming out for a brief cameo of GnR's November Rain....another supergroup resulting in supershit.
9:26: Teenage sensation Justin Bieber has one line -- one frigging line -- to utter and he frigs it up, talking about Beyonce when he should say Bon Jovi.
9:35: Zac Brown Band returns for the jam band feel with a embalmed looking Leon Russell tickling the ivories.
9:48: Stevie Nicks and Taylor Swift join forces for a decent little few moments of roots rock and safe pop.
9:52: Celine Dion is fuzzy, she's never looked better thanks to the 3D technology for the Jackson Earth Song Tribute. More singers come out as Usher feels being on his knees will make the whole charade more palatable. Goes down as smooth as gin and tobasco sauce mixed.
10:03: Switching channels, I now see a connection between the members of the Black Eyed Peas and the kids show Pocoyo, but I'm not sure who is who yet.....
10:11: Sugarland singer and Bon Jovi go through three songs, including a pedestrian paced Living On A Prayer, which should be retitled Running On Fumes considering how the tempo from the album to now sounds extremely loose and slower.
10:18 Rhianna thanks Jay-Z before a little guy says "No thanks" in the microphone. More earth shattering moments I'll treasure.
10:26: Mary J. Blige and Andrea Bocelli join forces for Bridge Over Troubled Waters, making it the first true moment of the night worth remembering. Blige's pipes hit you in spots that cause tingles, not tinkles, leaving the first 150 minutes of general tedium worth this in spades.
10:39: Grammy man says you must pay for the music you listen to, otherwise how else will the crumbling labels survive. Of course he meant the artist (who is getting a bigger share of the pie thanks to iTunes and other non-label song buying processes), but who is kidding who....
10:45: Dave Matthews does his best Elaine Benes dance with some mix of Al Jolson and a man with shin splits...or is it shin splints?
11:03: Les Paul is remembered by Jeff Beck...well done.
11:12: Quinten Tarantino introduces three of the biggest rap stars around by holding up two fingers and sounding like Luigi Carboni.....and his brother Giuseppe the mad bricklayer.
11:14: The super rappers join forces to make half the song bleeped out and censored....
11:25: Carlos Santana appears without going into details about his next Supernatural album, the fifth containing the same radio-friendly crap with flavor of the month vocalists appearing....
11:26: Taylor Swift wins album of the year and talks about how 80 years from now she'll be talking about this year....
Last night at the Air Canada Centre, Guns N Roses were supposed to take the stage at 9:20 pm following sets by Danko Jones and Sebastian Bach. But 9:20 turned into 10 pm...10 pm into 10:30 and 10:30 into 11, all with no signs of the band coming on.
For a club show or small venue, a wait like this isn't out of the ordinary, particularly weekends where the headliners often hit the stage at midnight or close to. But when you have 21,000 people waiting for a band, it might be an idea to start within a reasonable period of time for concert goers to leave the show after the gig.
At sometime between 11:25 and 11:30 pm Guns N Roses took the stage to the opening riffs of Welcome To The Jungle before delivering many hits and much of the material off Chinese Democracy. However, when the show ended with explosions and confetti at 1:55 am, those brave souls who stayed (and who relied on public transit of any kind to get there) were screwed if they had no wheels. The final GO Transit train eastward is 12:13 am while the final bus (which holds 45 people) left at 1:20 am. As for the final GO Transit train westward, 12:43 am with more buses leaving until 1:30.
If you took the subway, well you're screwed there too, as the last subways leaving Union leave at 1:46 and I believe 1:52...
So when the show ended at 1:55, several thousands poured out of the ACC wondering how they would get home or left with a dilemma: pull an all nighter, book a hotel room for the night or fork out about $100 for a cab back to their home. Either that or those relying on GO transit missed a chunk of the gig despite paying $89.50 for a ticket (not including the service charges which easily pushed it over 100 clams).
Might have been a good concert, but many this morning are probably wondering if it was worth the extra costs.....
Anytime a Yardbyrd plays Toronto is a cause for celebration, but when you have two of the three biggest guitarists to emerge from that '60s stable of rotating axemen on the same bill, it is a definite cause for glee (not that Glee television series everyone loves and will forget by March).
And whether or not I will be there to see the guitarist on the left (Mr. Jeff Beck) and the guitarist on the right (Mr. Eric Clapton) on Feb. 21 is irrelevant. The fact is Jeff Beck will probably be playing a supporting role to Clapton, resulting in a set that if extremely generous might last one hour tops. It's a lot to squeeze in for a man whose Jeff Beck Guitar Shop was just one of his many gems, not counting his 70s heyday of instrumental gold.
Beck has occasionally performed in North America (including the Montreal Int'l Jazz Fest in recent years) but this marks his first Toronto show in ages, one which should easily result in a set equal in length to Clapton's. The only silver lining might be seeing the two guitarists together for extended periods of time rehashing Yardbyrds material. Seeing Beck playing second fiddle (figuratively) to Layla or Cocaine would be a complete waste of Beck's talent. Seeing Clapton reduced to tears trying to master some of the odd but stellar instrumentals Beck has created over the years would be worth the hefty ticket price.
This is of course provided I am not covering something else on Feb. 21, which is currently looking like that is the case.....oh well.....
Hardcore Beck fans can see him perform a full set on the West Coast, but Toronto will have to live with whatever time he is assigned. May it be a long set.
Today the ticket world got a little bit smaller, which is saying alot considering it wasn't very big to begin with.
Ticketmaster and Live Nation have joined forces to become one company with the US Dept of Justice and the Canadian Commissioner of Competition signing off on the deal. The end result is that the largest promoter in North America -- one which owns several venues across the US and Canada and has its claws choking off smaller, independent promoters -- going to bed with the largest ticketing outlet in North America.
Not that this is a huge surprise, but it could lead to a slippery slope in terms of surcharges and pure greed. Ticketmaster has occasionally charged between 35 to 40 per cent above the ticket price a band has agreed to, resulting in a $25 dollar ticket easily nearing or going over 40 bucks.
There is a catch in that under the terms of the agreement, Ticketmaster gives up a portion of its ticketing software to another company while LiveNation divests itself of similar interests to AEG, another concert promoter who has some big name clients but does very little with moderate to up-and-coming acts.
So if you find yourself pissed off at these ridiculous, money-grabbing "fees," my suggestion would be to be patient, wait it out and purchase your tickets directly at the door or through a box office at the venue. Ironically, you might end up getting a better deal now from a scalper than you would this new conglomerate.
If only Pearl Jam had been stubborn enough in the 1990s to forge ahead with the anti-Ticketmaster stance....
For his final musical guest, Conan O'Brien had Neil Young perform Long May You Run, but perhaps Young saved his best remark for last thanking O'Brien (or at least those in his camp) for championing new bands both on his short 11:30 stint and his far longer 12:30 shift.
Radiohead, The Dead Weather, Monsters Of Folk, TheNewNo2, Animal Collective, Bon Iver, Les Savy Fav, Mando Diao, Mastodon and a host of others all made their US television debut on either the Tonight Show or Late Night, making him probably second only to Letterman when it comes to finding and landing new, promising talent. And definitely heads and shoulders above Mr. Leno, who still thinks Lionel Ritchie is hot stuff and thinks safe cookie-cutter bands are the thing most people awake at that time of night wish to see.
Hopefully another Conan show is in the cards down the road, something many bands will be grateful for.
The show also hosted the television debut of this band:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJx9BNbzHKY&feature=player_embedded#
Ah yes, a fine portrait, should be in the Tate Gallery if you ask me with all of its....lines. This is what you get when you punch in centricity and hit image 15 or 20 search pages in. Anyway, enough about the fine artwork by Schlemmer.
As has been the case every year, this year's Pazz and Jop poll conducted by the Village Voice is an exercise for critics in seeing how one fits into the realm of music criticism. Or in the case of some, how far out in left field they can be.
Using different statistical analysis, this year's Voter Centricity list has already been created, with yours truly ranking in a tie for 435th overall out of 692 placings. All this means is that my choices for albums of the year are picked by a handful of others, whereas those with the most centricity tend to fall in with popular opinion of the whole lot of critics.
My pick for album of the year was deemed to be the 100th best album of 2009 whereas other picks (when cross-referenced) were picked by four, five and sometimes only two others. Part of this is explained by the dominant US based writers whereas Canadians only compose a small portion of the list, so albums by Metric, Alexisonfire and Joel Plaskett raved about in the Great White North are blips on the radar in Uncle Sam Land.
Regardless, it is my goal for 2010 to train hard, eat a balanced diet, and compete for 430th on the Voter Centricity List.
Here is a link to my picks for 2009 (Albums and singles, most of the singles being popular in the Northern coastal areas of Mali)
http://www.villagevoice.com/pazznjop/critics/2009/686233
These are four men who are in a band called The Eagles. Well, it's a band in that there are four of them, but the money is split predominantly between the two middle guys while the other two get a nice wad of cash but not a equal cut. Even the guy on the far right can't afford dark jeans....
This summer The Eagles -- who are as drab on stage as they look here in this picture -- are thinking of going on tour with another '70s pop mammoth in Fleetwood Mac for a joint co-headlining bill, most like making for a 75 to 80-minute set from each each night.
But whereas both The Eagles and Fleetwood Mac have never been shy to charge high prices for tickets, the combined tour could easily see ducats hitting $350 to $400 a pop, with the scary idea of low-end, nosebleed tickets hitting $100 easily. Of course, not including the service charges which often push it up another $15 to $20 per ticket.
It's not unheard of for bands to charge high prices for quality front row (or rows) of seats, but usually the upper tiers are within a reasonable range ($49 to $59, often $29 to $39) if you want to see the show on a large screen 150 feet away from you. The only saving grace might be the fact that the tour will not hit arenas but stadiums, resulting in a slightly lower price given the number of seats per venue.
However, if you didn't start saving up for this tour which is reportedly set to begin in the summer, it might be too late now to attend three hours of note-for-note '70s FM oldies. (Fleetwood Mac's Second Hand News being the obvious exception).
One has spoken his mind, gone off the teleprompter and is causing those behind the camera to crap themselves. Mike Myers looks like he has decided Kanye West will not end up making a cameo in a possible Wayne's World film and wishes he could jump into the murky, toxic waters on the screen behind him. And for all the performances of that Hurricane Katrina telethon, this is what is remembered most.
This Friday night another telethon is rumored to hit the airwaves from 8 Eastern to 10 Eastern, with all the major networks in North America covering it. This means you can see who is picking up whose feed of the show by discovering who is 12 seconds ahead of the others.
But it would be a travesty if Kanye West wasn't a part of this Haiti telethon, just to see him speak off the cuff and destroy whatever semblance of a career he has left post-Taylor Swift debacle. Maybe he blames the whole incident on Taylor Swift and will rant and rave about how Beyonce would've never let an earthquake of this magnitude happen. Please let the man speak again, perhaps on location from the fifth floor of a slightly unstable building in Port Au Prince.
Beyonce, Madonna, and others who eagerly agree to these telethons and have their hearts in the right place (right beside their free PR campaign) will appear, and without question an album of the performances will be out sometime in February or digitally on iTunes by month's end.
And if you can remember anything about the telethons which came from the tsunami in South East Asia a few years ago, do tell....
Hopefully there won't be many of these this year, but I've taken it upon myself to post the final Tweet a musician will make on their official Twitter page prior to their leaving this fair Earth. It's what will be dubbed affectionately as an Epitwittertaph.
The first of these belongs to the late Jay Reatard, a rock musician who released 22 albums over a brief 29 years alive but had a knack for being a shit disturber. Just one search on Youtube (Jay Reatard Toronto) will show the musician punching a fan in the mouth and storming off before the promoters opine their feelings towards Mr. Reatard, who passed away in his sleep on the morning of Jan. 13.
Hence, this is Jay Reatard's Epitwittertaph:
"I will give anyone a hundred bucks per tire that they pop on the band liquor stores van! Yes I'm serious" -- 12:42 PM Jan 11th from Twitterberry
A profound Epitwittertaph indeed.
Like many magazines, this one has been relegated unfortunately to the online only medium, but it has championed American roots, folk, rock or some mixture of all three over the course of its lifespan. In fact, the "No Depression" movement gave way to the alt.country phase which currently is described my many as Americana.
This year's Grammy Awards have five artists vying for the Best Americana Album of 2009. And while it looks good on first glance, it's generally two or three artists who deserve to be there and a couple who have made credible albums but don't seem to fit into what is defined as country or roots or folk anymore. Willie Nelson is a good example, a man who has made as many solid country albums as a Canadian goose has bowel movements. And Levon Helm, god love him, keeps recording and performing in upstate New York but hasn't really done anything great in recent memory.
Which leaves Mr. Dylan, Miss Lucinda Williams and Wilco in the running. Dylan is automatically given more clout because he's in his 60s and continues to hit the road on his neverending mumbling tour, but he may end up losing a bit of luster with his Christmascana album. Miss Williams latest album is also pretty strong, but given how consistent Wilco's work has been of late, and in particularly this album, it would be surprising to see anyone than Mr. Tweedy and company picking up the hardware (that is, if they're interested in such events).
Yes, Wilco's album is called Wilco (The Album)....but you don't gain or lose points for creative titles.
Earlier last year, Canada (well, CTV) decided that it was time to give its Canadian Idol a rest, after the major success of its previous idols (Hedley perhaps the lone exception, and I don't think he even won the damn thing).
The American Idol begins again on Tuesday night and might tank as quickly as Jay Leno, but with new blood and comedy in the form of Ellen, it could have a reprieve before Simon Cowell and company pulls the plug. But you'll get your share of whacky untalented fools who sold their 9 cows, 5 bales of partly skimmed hay, a deer with fleas and recyclables to pay for the bus ticket from Mobile to the Atlanta audition stop, just so Cooter, Daisy and Uncle Jessie can hug the disappointed twit and tell the teary-eyed yokel that "dem der talent pickers ain't got no eyes in their ears!"
But thankfully, Australian television has decided they have had enough of the competition, opting to put this year's version of the program on the back burner or perhaps out the window thanks to sinking ratings and the fact that the biggest Australian Idols musically in recent years are New Zealand outfit Flight Of The Conchords. ("Who da boom king? Fast forward selecta....")
The Idol industry -- which was basically nothing more than 90 per cent of the "finalists" having their 15 minutes of fame, 5 per cent getting a one album-and-done label contract and the other 5 per cent have some semblance of a career (Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson and....um....) -- is trying to rage against the dying of the spotlight. But make no mistake, as the other notable Dylan wrote, it's not dark yet, but it's getting there.....one country at a time.
Well, not this deer, but the Montreal band, should be out sometime in the spring or summer. And huge concert announcement set for Toronto on Monday evening for Olympic Island, home to several good lineups over the years and -- aside from last year's ridiculous Virgin Festival at Molson Amphitheatre -- home to the first three Virgin Festivals, including the Oasispushalooza in 2008.
Non alcoholic (unless spiked with screech, moonshine, linseed oil or Herbert's Hallucinogenic Herbal Hooch), good for all ages. Made from rice, barley, almonds, water, sugar and rice depending where you have it. It's called Horchata.
Horchata is also the leadoff track off the forthcoming Vampire Weekend album Contra. And like Ollie North when it came to delivering answers before a Senate Committee, this 10-track album could have you dancing around just as much thanks to terribly tight, sinfully catchy but quirky pop. It seems to mix the best of XTC with Paul Simon's Graceland album with all of its intricate but delightful polyrhythms on a tune like California English or the light, breezy, groovy but orchestral-tinged Taxi Cab.
The album comes out on Jan. 12 but is currently available on the band's official site for streaming. A North American tour is on the horizon for the spring, with a few Canadian dates including Toronto in late March, even if it's at the Sound Academy, a venue still aspiring to create decent sound.
Well worth checking out and by far the best album I've heard thus far this year, with Zeus (think of a Canadian Wilco circa Summerteeth) coming in a close second.
Worth a listen....or two...or nineteen.
This is Sade, who is believed to be gearing up for another tour later this year behind a new studio album. But back in 1986 she was nominated for a Grammy Award for Best New Artist. And wouldn't you know it, she won.
The Best New Artist dates back to 1960 when Bobby Darin took home the award with Bob Newhart winning the award the following year. Carly Simon, Bette Midler and Sheryl Crow are a few who have won it while the Jonas Brothers joined the ranks of KC & The Sunshine Band, Dr. Buzzard's Original Savannah Band and Led Zeppelin as those who just were glad to be nominated.
This year's Best New Artist has perhaps three contenders: a really safe pick, a not as safe but still safe pick and a dark horse.
R&B singer Keri Hilson had a few stick in your head hit singles (Turnin' Me On) and isn't adept just yet at the irritating octave-changing hand lowering and raising other established divas are famous for, but she would probably be the safest bet to win if the voters stuck to their middle of the road pattern as they've often done.
The not as safe but still safe pick is MGMT, a Best New Artist in their fifth year as a band who have gotten an incredible amount of ink and attention for what I wouldn't really call great tunes. Kids and Time To Pretend both have their moments, but it's far from anything worth repeated listens. That and the fact they always look like they've just gotten back from a hippie-inspired orgy never really turns this hack's crank.
Which leaves the dark horse and hopefully the band that ends up taking home the trophy: The Ting Tings, a quirky little duo from the UK who dance on LPs on stage as part of their act but have started something with their album We Started Nothing. Simple but infectious singles like Great DJ and That's Not My Name are not deep in philosophical thought, but they tend to hit you in all the right places.
So, if there is a band worthy of this award, let it be The Ting Tings.
More such predictions will be made up to the Grammys, but categories such as Best Western Polka from a Laos-based Mariachi band may have to be bypassed.
Every year thousands of tourists flock to the ruins of Ancient Rome and Greece, looking at what was built thousands of years ago and occasionally purchasing the "I Roamed Around Rome" t-shirts. Artifacts and relics are cherished on this ground, with many structures such as the amphitheatre in relatively decent shape.
The amphitheatre has also been one of the cornerstones of the North American summer touring industry over the last 10 to 15 years, cookie-cutter open-air venues that have all the similarities of the ancient amphitheatres except for the character or personality. Most of these "amphitheatres" (or in the case of a half dozen in the U.S. dubbed the Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre) hold about 15,000 with a lawn section that offers cheap tickets but are far from the proceedings and filled with seagull shit if you're lucky.
Most of the summer tours hit these "sheds" for a few reasons: the logistics are the same, the rental space is usually cheaper than indoor arenas, and well, who likes to be indoors on a hot summer night? But with each passing year, these venues are finding it harder to fill those 90 or 100 days with 25 to 30 attractive bills that aren't multi-act lineups of has-beens, never-weres or '80 hair bands.
Arenas will usually be okay from such pressures, as sporting teams fill up 40 dates on their own, or 80 if two teams use the venue. And unlike the amps, shows can take place year-round.
The current climate sees about 20 to 25 acts maybe that have enough name and drawing power to sell out wherever they play, and on average 8 to 12 of those are off the road, either recording another crap album to tour behind or waiting until money is tight, resulting in the need to start routing another leg.
So, with the Eagles, Stones, McCartney, Fleetwood Mac, Elton John, Billy Joel, U2, AC/DC, Eric Clapton, Madonna and Springsteen more likely than not hitting the road the latter half of the '10s, and the hair bands eventually morphing into the hairy waistband bands by this time, what is to become of the amphitheatre......
I doubt these batch of amphitheatres (with the exception of Colorado's Red Rocks) will have the same tourist traps surrounding them by 2019. Most likely just more seagull shit.
Tokyo is known for its lights, action and in this case dirty old men staring at the bottoms of younger gals. There aren't many laws against gawking when it comes to getting long in the pants, er, tooth, but like most civilized nations, they have laws protecting the young and innocent against dirtier old men who might do more than a second or nineteenth glance.
Which brings me of course to the Super Bowl, The Who, and a children's right organization who have a beef with the choice of band playing this coming Super Bowl's halftime show. For those of you living around a rock, it is The Who. But an organization called Child AbuseWatch.net wants the group banned from playing the elusive slot when the game takes place in Miami.
The argument refers to guitarist Pete Townshend's arrest for what he incredulously (naively?) did back in 2003. The guitarist was looking into the issue of child abuse and decided it was somehow proper to use his credit card to peruse a pedophile website as a means of research. Police investigated the incident and gave him a "caution" for accessing child pornography, clearing him of the wrongdoing, including downloading photos from the internet.
The NFL -- who had Michael Jackson as its talent mere weeks before his fascination with kiddies became known -- has stated it will go ahead as planned and not make any last-minute changes. But if enough media coverage begins, it might lead to more pressure over the coming weeks to readdress the issue.
Here's hoping Ronnie Wood gets back on the wagon, otherwise 2010 might have Jagger doing this during a Stones tour......more to come this year.
